You Will Not Recognize Your Life
Are we friends cause this is about to get deep….
My monthly self-improvement book. But I don’t know if this can be considered self-improvement.
It’s definitely not a romance or fantasy novel. And I’m pretty new to the whole ‘self-improvement’ as a whole.
But this book was full of good humor and life experience. It was more of a story, a biography if you will. About a chapter in Micaela Blei’s life.
This was a fun ride and a quick 3 hour audiobook, recommended to me by a friend.
The prelude starts off strong but it’s necessary. The author wants you to understand what you’re about to read and it’s not for the faint of heart or easy to blush boards out there.
We follow Michaela, a third grade school teacher in her late twenties as she discovers who she is and what she wants out of life.
She is dragged to a women’s empowerment conference by a friend.
The room is full of women, loud, happy, confident women with pink boas. And quiet, shy, nervous women questioning how they got here. She’s in the latter group.
As the leader of the conference takes the stage she demonstrates what it means to get ‘what your pussy wants’, and asks if there are any other women in the room that know what their pussy wants?
Like many women, Michaela never stepped into her own as a women. She sat in the back, was friends with the nerds, didn’t dress sexy, and wore granny panties. She couldn’t imagine asking her pussy what it wanted, let allow what it felt like to be wanted and sexy.
So she signed up for the course. Taking her first step in claiming her own life.
This was a four month course in the early 2000’s. Women would meet once a month to discuss a new topic, then have homework throughout the month, and meet with their small groups regularly.
In this course you got what you put in and our darling author challenged herself to get out of her comfort zone.
She had a hard time in previous relationships, never having a real boyfriend, dating was difficult, and she had a chronic illness that made things that much harder.
Though I can’t relate to these things; I’ve been with my husband since I was in high school, he makes me feel loved and sexy. And I am a very healthy person overall.
I struggle with anxiety and depression. I have bouts of very difficult times in my life where it is difficult to do anything but the bare minimum. These can last a few days to a few months.
You may not know this about me if we’ve met in real life, and that’s because I’ve become an S-tier level mask wearer.
I don’t open up about myself – ever! So I don’t take it personally if you’ve never noticed. But I took this book to mean I needed to get out of my own head and out of my own way.
Michaela is a teacher, so she is a diligent student. She completes all of the homework as assigned. She thinks sexy thoughts about her body, she joins Match.com, goes on dates, sets boundaries for herself, and says yes more often.
This leads to her building confidence in herself, and even getting a trip to the Caribbean for spring break!
It also leads to her first serious boyfriend of her adult life.
The story is fun and lively, and I definitely recommend the audiobook because it is read by the author and was just a joy. I was laughing in the car, at the gym, and walking through the grocery story!
Women are amazing. We can control the conversation just with eye contact, a wink, or our presence in the room.
That’s not to say men can’t, but the book is to empower women here so let’s stay focused.
In the book I got the impression sex appeal is everything. Choose the dress with the hip slit, wear red lipstick, reach for their arm, hold eye contact.
But with respect to my husband I think I will lean towards confidence over sex appeal. Shoulders back, talk about myself, reach out first, follow up, ask them to repeat themselves. Some of these things might seem off the wall but for someone with anxiety they can be daunting.
I find it easy to be in a room of a few people I’ve never met. I have mastered keeping the attention off myself and the other people talking.
I also love being in a room of 50, 100, 1,000 people! Put me on stage coach- I’ll give the presentation and ask for volunteers and make jokes.
But put me somewhere in the middle… 10-50 people. Talk about a panic attack! I freeze up, no thoughts are going through my head and I find it hard not to cry.
I know it’s weird.
To make things even weirder. I’ll take a room of strangers over people I actually know any day.
With strangers I can wear the mask and be the pleasant host or fellow attendee. Making small talk, asking questions, and keeping things light. Easy.
But with people I know, or acquaintances like friends of friends, there is the extra pressure I feel. I know in the back of my mind that I will cross paths with these people again, and most likely sooner rather than later. So I feel like they can’t know the real me, I’ll disappoint them, or have a different opinion than them, say the wrong thing, my jokes won’t be funny.
Deep down I think I am afraid to be forgotten. Or maybe I don’t know who I am and I’m afraid people will figure it out.
Ugh, that was a lot.
As I read You Will Not Recognize Your Life I felt excited about life. I was walking a little taller, smiling a little broader. Just like Michaela.
But,
In the last few chapters of the book she had a different revelation. She was dating her serious boyfriend, James, and they were doing a bit of a long distance thing from New York to London.
After a few months she started to notice comments James would make, and out of context they sound much harsher (a point she makes in the book) but still got under her skin.
Things like James asking her to work out and diet. Not because he thought she was fat, but because this was an interest of his, a passion, that he wanted to share with his life partner.
He also commented on her teaching job as ‘being easy’ compared to his data scientist job.
Or implying that he knew better than her in certain situations, like when they should move in together.
Overall they had a happy relationship but in the end she decided it wasn’t everything she wanted it to be.
Now I have my own opinion on relationships, being married for over 16 years, and it’s unpopular in this day and age. But you will not find someone that will fit like a puzzle piece to your life. You become puzzle pieces as you choose each other time and time again, conforming to the other. That means you give up some things just like they do and find your balance in each other.
Michaela did what was right for her though. Essentially discovering that her pussy didn’t know everything and there were other things to take into consideration for such big decisions.
In the last chapter she was telling her reader that it was good to get out of her head, to choose herself, lead with her feminine desires; but it wasn’t a way to live your life everyday.
It kind of took a hard left turn and left a sad taste in my mouth. I was loving the fun energy she had in the first ⅔ of the book. Sure, not all of it was applicable to my life but I’m an adult and can make those decisions. But that last ⅓ made me feel like none of it was worth it.
In the epilogue she is back in the conference with a crowd of women, this time on the other side laughing, and smiling, and with a pink boa. New shy and nervous women piled in on the other side, encouraged to do the same course she just completed.
Though she encouraged those women to join, she was taking a step back from the koolaid.
Now, 20ish years later, she is 40-years old and still single. But happy.
I guess we get to choose our own happiness, but she made it sound like finding the love of her life was the most important thing throughout the book, so I was surprised.
There was so much good to take from this book. I laughed and still feel more confident than I did going into it – I just spilled my guts to random people on a blog about my anxiety for heaven’s sake!
And you get what you put into life.
I’m not cured, but damn it I want change. I’m focused on the little things and choosing to push myself into the person I want to be.
Overall ⭐⭐⭐.5 | 📚 Glad I Read It | 🌿 E – Everyone (Ages 10–13)
Takeaways 📝📝
Inspiration 💡💡💡💡
Credibility 💬💬
Engagement ⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡
Clarity 🗣️🗣️🗣️
Title: You Will Not Recognize your Life
Author: Michaela Blei
Genre: Self-Improvement
Format: Audiobook
Length: 2 hours 48 minutes
Published: December 12, 2024 by Audible Originals
